Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
