You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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