Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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