I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
