All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
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