While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
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I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
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Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I currently don't understand fingers.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize