it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
