I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
tell me about the fingering
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
