I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
