So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I just forgot I was standing up.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
