I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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