it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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