Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
