Can i not drive my cunt home
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
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