I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
