new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
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you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
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But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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