The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
