They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
