During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
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