You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
