Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
