I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
