I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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