Pregnant stripper...not hot.
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
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all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
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I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
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