mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Randomize
