Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
