I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
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I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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