My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I need water and some morals
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
