so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
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