Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
