No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
