Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Randomize