I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
