Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
