I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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