I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
