I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
