I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
