he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
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These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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