I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
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I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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