call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
