party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
