who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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