why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
