I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
it was like eating out sand paper
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Just high enough for therapy.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
