the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
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