So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
