Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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