'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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