shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
