batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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