North Korea, Best Korea!
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Terrible idea I love it
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
