I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
