You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Randomize
