I'm pants shitting drunk right now
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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