i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
