can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Swine flu. Run for my life!
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
