the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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