I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
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