I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
