And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
